No Idea (new video porn from Elizabeth!)

I was out on a date last week, and Elizabeth decided to find some mischief into which she could get. Grabbing the video camera and an old silicone friend of hers, she set to making us all a movie. I’ve put it up as a torrent on Empornium for you all to download and enjoy. I recommend enjoying it with some lube handy.

Not only is this video immensely hot, it’s also everything that I think the best porn can be. Elizabeth creates a direct connection with her audience, talking directly to us, and presents herself with a depth of intimacy rarely seen in sexually explicit video. She inspires me to be better. She also inspires some amazing orgasms. Watch and see.

Download “No Idea” from Empornium here.

Grab Bag of Porn

The last couple of months there have been some things stirring. We’ve got some ideas for upcoming porn… some solo stuff and group stuff, all video-based. Very exciting!

We really look forward to sharing that here. But until then, here’s a few pictures we want to show off. Having so many friends active on Fetlife can be distracting when it comes to posting one-offs, or small sets of pictures. Here’s a collection of some of our very favorites over the last few months.

Daddying

It’s taken me a couple of months to write this. Talking about age play and how it works for me makes me feel quite vulnerable, and knowing it’s a kink that bothers some folks makes it even more difficult at times. Luckily Elizabeth had another moment of brilliance and wrote some amazing things that helped shake the words loose for me. If you’ve not yet read Elizabeth on Age Play then please go do so. No really, I’ll wait.

Got that done? Well, here’s what she helped me to figure out about what it means to be a daddy and to be her Daddy.


While not our primary dynamic, being Elizabeth’s Daddy and her being my babygirl are important parts of our relationship. Explaining those roles, though, and how they fit into the rest of our relationship feels very elusive. It’s just… who we are. And who we are together.

Identifying the energies that we’ve come to know as her two little personalities came early in our relationship, and we’ve spent the last 2+ years naming them (Grace and Lucy), fleshing them out and getting to know them. I’ve learned how to be Daddy to each of them, how to spot them, what they need and want from me, and what I need and want from them. It’s been intense and beautiful and amazing. Despite her having multiple littles, I’m the same Daddy to them both. Obviously we interact in different ways, but the energy comes from the same place in me, whichever I’m tending to.

So why age play? The simple answer is that it turns me on. Being her Daddy makes me hard. That’s the biggest drive behind it. There’s an area of my and of her sexuality that is best reached through embodying these parts of ourselves with each other. Age play was a fetish of mine before I ever got the chance to act on it, though. Before it became this deep part of my relationship with my partner it was an unfulfilled fetish. I devoured Daddy/Girl erotica and I fantasized about roleplaying the scenarios. I understand that for many people age play isn’t necessarily sexual, but that’s not how it works for me. Even cuddling one of my little girls and watching a silly movie turns me on. Why? Who knows. It makes about as much sense as finding stockings with seams to be hot, only it’s stronger because it’s the intimate interaction of people.

So what does it mean to be Daddy? As uncomfortable as it may be to say so, I learned how to be Daddy to a large degree from my own father. To be Daddy is to be gentle and loving, offering guidance but only being stern when it’s needed. Daddy is playful and loves cuddling, and is protective of the fragile parts of his girls while letting them experience bumps and bruises when they can handle it. All of this is then filtered through my life with Elizabeth and my sexuality and it’s become this integral part of my sexuality.

Being Daddy to these two delightful girls isn’t something I undertook to re-write earlier experiences in a therapeutic way, but I’ve also seen ways that it’s helped me. I have a strong caretaker streak, and learning how to take care of Lucy and Grace as their Daddy has helped me learn how to do that in a healthy way. I’ve been able to strengthen boundaries and learn when it’s good for me to take care of someone and when I have to say no. I have a long history of unhealthy caregiving, and so this is a special gift that I wasn’t expecting when I first asked her what being a little girl felt like.

And I’ve seen my Daddy persona become more integrated with the rest of me. At times it becomes hard to define, because Daddy is Gabe, at least in relation to Elizabeth. That doesn’t mean that she’s constantly in little space, or that I treat her like a child, but I’m more aware of my affection toward her, and my protective streak. We could be doing something simple around the house, and I’ll tell her to stop if she’s about to do something that will hurt her. She may not be embodying Lucy or Grace at that moment, but Elizabeth is just as much my babygirl, and I will protect her.

Beyond our relationship I’ve begun to identify to some degree as a daddy-type dom. Daddy, as a name and a title, is part of my identity that is, at least right now, linked to my relationship with Elizabeth. The name and title “Daddy” doesn’t get used with anyone else but Elizabeth, but I can see similar tendencies in the way I top someone, or even in how I interact with someone with little girl energy. I’ve even had a play partner refer to me as “Daddy Gabe,” and that made sense to me, and was quite hot. Being a daddy-type is more of a descriptor of how I interact with some people. I’ve been wondering about why I gravitate to that word to describe myself and my style. Obviously it’s a very subjective word. In his Toybag Guide to Ageplay, Lee Harrington discusses universal, cultural and personal archetypes, and I think the differences in being Elizabeth’s Daddy and being a daddy type have some relation to those varying types of archetypes. With Elizabeth I fall somewhere between the personal and cultural, whereas with what I’m describing with a lower-case “d” daddy is somewhere between the universal and cultural. Sort of. As I said, pinning all of this down is rather elusive.

So then what do I mean when I say “daddy-type dom”? I can’t point to specific things I do or expect that make an interaction fall into that category, as it’s more about the way I feel toward the person. It’s a mix of tenderness, adoration, protectiveness, playfulness, control and certainly a few other things I’m not thinking of at the moment. It’s neither tied to nor divorced from SM, though daddying tends to focus a somewhat more on somewhat more conventional pleasures. The D/S element is strong, as my daddy side does put effort into remaining in control. But that control is often more focused on guidance than on punishment, and on the little one following willingly more than on her being pushed too hard. Even the SM elements that have been incorporated have been focused on nurturing, guidance or sheer hedonism more than punishment.

Guiding is a good word for the D/S element of ageplay for me. It requires meeting the person with whom I’m interacting where they are, without expectations of how their own energy will manifest or take them. It is accepting that energy and directing it in ways that best serve us both. Where and how I direct changes depending on who I’m playing with (or which alter ego I’m playing with), the moods we’re both in and any goals we may have. Elizabeth recently described that kind of guidance as “a love that doesn’t fully shield from bumps and bruises, but very specifically works at a person’s growing edges, the edges of our ability and draws us out further and helps us grow.” And I think that nails it.

An important element in accessing my daddy side is my trust in the other person’s maturity and ability to care for themselves. Being a daddy in an age play context is far removed from being a parent. I don’t want someone completely dependent on me. I don’t want someone who can’t take care of themselves. The littles that play best with this daddy are the ones who are, when they want or need to be, self-sufficient. If someone can balance their childlike delight or teenage awkwardness with their ability to be a grownup when they have to, then we are more likely to find common ground on which we can come together. If I can have that trust they they can and do care for themselves, then I feel more free to care for them myself.

With only two years of daddying behind me, I have a lot more to learn about what that means and how to do best function in that role. How will it change and expand over time or with different people? How integrated is the sweet, gentle daddy with the sadistic fuck who loves his little girls’ tears? There’s a lot to learn, and I look forward to it all. I love this part of my relationship with Elizabeth and this part of myself. And I’m so thankful to her for helping me grow and develop this way and to get to know this new part of me.

Elizabeth on Age Play

Gabe and I do age play, and have done so since we began dating. Despite our prolific writings on our sex life, we haven’t written on this subject yet. Part of my hesitation is that it’s a sacred and vulnerable thing for us, and is difficult to put into words. Part of it is certainly that this subject has a high squick factor for a lot of people, and is sometimes misunderstood as a dangerous “slippery slope”, and personally I haven’t yet wanted to deal with the potential responses. But I have eventually wanted to find a way to share.

So, here goes. I have two personas that I will occasionally inhabit (one at a time): Grace is 5 years old, and Lucy is 12. I have been surprised to see how nuanced both of them have become as personalities. Gabe has one persona: Daddy, that plays with each of us separately. Grace is very playful, and very much about joy. She likes soft blankets and making forts with them. She likes making up stories, and making animal sounds. Gabe can tell from my giggle when I’ve fallen into Gracie headspace. Being Grace is a delight, in so many ways. She is an altered state of effortless eagerness and pleasure. Lucy is 12. She is both a child and a grown-up. She’s trying everything on, and everything is new… and she is beginning to shape her opinions of it all. She enjoys romantic gestures and romantic movies. Valentine’s Day and Mardi Gras are two of her favorite holidays. She likes both pajamas and sexy lingerie, and has been known to really like wearing make-up. Gabe can often tell from my word choice that I’ve gone into Lucyspace, without any other cues.

Part of the challenge of finding words is a fear of spoiling what is preverbal about our age play. They are each a near-complete shift of consciousness for me. There is an immediacy that is unique to our interactions as Daddy and Babygirl (a nickname for all of me) that bypasses the usual analytical and heady elements of our relationship. The sensations I receive as Gracie are very different than the sensations I receive as Lucy, and the sensations I receive as my overarching identity Elizabeth. Since I’m not sure that I can describe the difference, or want to right now, I’ll leave it at that.

Some element of both Grace and Lucy is what I call “redemptive lying” — together Gabe and I create an alternate universe where I am having a much more pleasant 5 year-old and 12-year old experience than I actually did. Lucy especially has been a great gift to me in that regard. When I was actually 12, I was already the primary caretaker for my mother, who is deeply mentally ill and yet passes for functional. I secretly had a terrifying home life at the time, and everything related to being a teen has had a thick veil of dread around it that I have slowly fought to tear away piece by piece. With Lucy, I can effortlessly be a different me, and experience the both/and teen years in a place of being loved into great personal strength, and being cared for when overwhelmed. I don’t have to start in Elizabeth’s constant starting place for adult relationships, and work my way out of that hole. I can be Lucy, be lighter and freer. My previous trauma is not the reason for her existence; she was born out of something more life-affirming than that. But it is a healing that Lucy gifts me with. Grace is a similar outlet, a way to step outside my usual heavy use of analysis and careful attention to boundaries and others’ needs. None of those things are bad; in fact I adore them all. But occasionally stepping outside them leads me to experiences I wouldn’t otherwise have. It makes me feel more whole as a person, and gives me insights I can bring back into my Elizabeth self.

Both Grace and Lucy are stories we tell with one another that bring out a different experience of joy and pleasure. They’re two whole new palettes of colors to paint with in creating our sex lives together. Some will say that their age play is not always or not even primarily sexual. I have occasionally been Grace or Lucy without sexual play (if you’ve seen me coloring at events recently, I’m often in one little space or another). But for the most part it’s a very sexual connection, specifically with Gabe. Yes, Daddy and Gracie have sex, and Lucy and Daddy have sex. It is very much about the sex for Gabe and I, where we can touch those parts of me that interact with those parts of him, and bond them in a sexual way. It is NOT in any way about violating real-life childhood sexualities. It is about exploring something very much in the context of adult sexuality. I can relate one part of this dynamic to the way memory is created — my memories of being a child now are heavily shaped by my adult experiences. In the same way, my alternate experience of being 5 and 12 can only be understood through my adult self, and my adult sexuality. They are facets of me and my full adult self, my connection to my life force and to Gabe, and so they are naturally erotic in nature. They are stories I am writing, and I make them sexual. Gabe does not play the role of a biological father, but of a caregiver to me as I surrender certain specific parts of myself and take up other parts. I can’t speak to others’ experiences, but incest has little to no draw for me. Age play is a far different kink.

Grace and Lucy have not yet played much with others, at least not to the knowledge of others around. I’m very protective of them. I suspect it will eventually happen, but can’t really speak to the future. They both live very much in the present moment — another gift they give me.

(For a brief but thorough introduction to age play, I suggest Lee Harrington’s book The Toybag Guide To Age Play. It is a very quick and informational read.)

Gabe as the Pink Pirate!

We got flooded in today, so we had a little extra time to do some fun things. The new layout for the blog is one of those. A new photoshoot starring yours truly is the other. We all know my affinity for pink, piracy and genderfuckery (sorry I couldn’t keep up the alliteration). Well, for my birthday party we combined all three and made a pink Jolly Roger with a bow! My various wardrobe additions also left me with a well improvised pink pirate outfit, so a series of pictures was needed.

You can see them here.

Two Marks

One is almost a cross shape. A short, narrow purple bruise haphazardly meeting a long, bright red splotch, at the angle where the side of my neck bends down toward my left collarbone. With some blissful fogginess, I remember when his mouth met me there. I remember feeling a soft sensuousness, and that tingly pull sucking the blood out of my veins and into my skin. Since I don’t actually feel much discomfort there now it’s pure luck that I looked in the mirror at the right time and was reminded to conceal it before work. It does indeed poke out from under my shirt collar.

Then there’s the other mark. You might not notice it, if you don’t know my neck well… if you don’t know that my skin isn’t normally a slightly redder shade there, or that it isn’t usually swollen there. You might not notice that the redness resembles a line of teeth. THAT one, I vividly feel with every slight shift or ripple of the muscles between my right ear and shoulder. I clearly remember that bite, feeling those teeth sink in, scraping across sinews and hard muscle. That will be a reminder all day (and tomorrow too) of sitting astride him, of feeling the fire between my legs reach up to my neck, his mouth, and beyond.

Gabe’s Birthday Weekend – Part One

You know a weekend was good when you want to write about it, but it’s Wednesday afternoon before you even try, and the next Monday before you finish the first part. Hell, even with all the Twitterers who were there, next to nothing got tweeted!

Halloween, in addition to being the most awesome holiday evar, is my birthday and for the first time I had a big celebration of me with my friends and chosen family. Much planning went into this event, and it paid off. Many thanks to my dearest Elizabeth for working so hard to put the shindig together. She sent out the invitation emails, coordinated all the special needs, planned how to share space at our house with all of those people, and a dozen other things I won’t list. And I did end up surrounded by awesome people and bathed in affection. There were many hugs, kisses and cuddles, as well as staying up talking until 4am. I don’t remember the last time I had an actual birthday party, so it was really special to have this and to feel so very cared for.

As the first night of the two-night party was the first big gathering of friends we’ve hosted at our home, it was also the first time we’ve invited people to participate in kink and sex in space we provided. While it didn’t devolve into an orgy (believe it or not, that was a good thing) I know I certainly had a good time!

In preparation for Friday’s party I made four ice dildos. Over the course of the week I got to watch Elizabeth go from very hesitant to very intrigued so it was quite a treat to use one on her last Friday night with friends holding her hand and cheering her on. She took more than I expected, but the way she warmed up to the idea (pun intended) over the course of the week should have told me she was going farther than her initial hesitance indicated. You can see the pictures here. I’d love to get the video up as well, but there are many different faces and voice on it, so getting all those permissions may prove difficult. I hope for your sake we can do that, because she’s really quite adorable getting fucked by a big ice cock.

But what of the other three dildos? Well, turns out I had three more volunteers! The first was a dear friend who said that her participation was a birthday gift to me. She was actually the first person down on the blanket to try. It was my first time using ice in such a way, and she was an amazing test subject. While I don’t think she’ll be returning for another go anytime soon I do think we had a good time of it. The second participant was a surprise to me, someone I don’t know well, but who apparently likes ice quite a bit. The third in the lineup was Elizabeth, about whom I’ve already written, and being able to work up to her and get a feel for the toys was a delight for me. And the fourth dildo went to a friend with whom we’ve been having some amazing escapades. I think of all the people who tried my homemade toys she liked them the best. At least it seemed that way when she clamped down on it so hard it shot right out of her. There wasn’t all that much ice left by the time we were done! I had a fantastic time. Not only did I get to play with some people that are quite important to me, but I also got to engage in casual play with someone I didn’t really know well, and that was a first for me! So Friday was a big night.

Next time – Saturday in New Orleans!

Stripey Tights HNT

I was very excited when I ran across these cheap pink and black stripey tights in the Halloween section of the local MegaLoMart, and while Elizabeth was stuck with frustration and boredom tonight I put them on and snapped a few pics on my phone to send to her. Apparently my sexy, stripey legs (and other bits) helped improve her evening, and since we’ve not done a Half Naked Thursday post in far, far too long I’m sharing with you as well.

I hope you enjoy.

 

 

 

Exponential Relationships

I’m pretty sure that everyone reading this knows that I have two important, ongoing relationships, the one with my partner Elizabeth and the one with my girlfriend, Red August. The dynamic between the three of us has been really fantastic pretty much from the beginning, and I’m so happy that I’ve got these amazing people in my life, and that they get along so wonderfully. Recent experiences (some of which led to my last post on introversion) made me aware of just how amazing it is that we manage each other the way that we do.

Recently my girlfriend and one of her dear friends came and spent the weekend with us. I happen to have a bit (okay, a lot) of a crush on this friend, and it turns out it’s not exactly a unrequited crush. So I spent the weekend with two girls I love and one I really quite adore (even moreso now). The rapid crush escalation was a form of NRE, and I hear it was just dripping off me throughout that weekend. But with all four of us in the house I became aware of just how many relationships were going on. We all have varying levels of friendship, romantic involvement and sexual involvement and interest in one another, which threw the varying relationships into stark view. So for the moment lets label each of us with a number, and list the various relationship configurations.

We’ve got:
1+2
1+3
1+4
2+3
2+4
3+4
1+2+3
1+2+4
1+3+4
2+3+4
1+2+3+4

So four people create 11 separate relationships to be managed among the four of us. Fascinating!

So that means that on a day to day basis in the house we’ve got 1 relationship going. When Red August comes to visit we’ve got 4. When all four of us were here we had 11 different relationships, all with different histories and different levels of involvement. And we all made it through the weekend without any serious damage! We were exhausted, yes. But we were happy too, I think.

I’m admittedly nervous about being able to handle that many relationships, but I’m proud of what we did, and I’m excited about what we may do in the future. We’re learning what we need to deal with that much at once. It might be a rough road every once in a while, but I’m pretty sure it’s worth it.

Introversion/Extroversion

I’ve long thought of myself as an introvert. I’ve tested as an INFP for as long as I can remember taking Myers/Briggs and Keirsey Temperament Sorter. I’ve always generally been quiet in groups, and it often takes me a while before I’m less than quiet even one on one. Socializing in groups is fun, but it also tends to leave me emotionally and mentally exhausted. Elizabeth is much the same, though her introversion is less than mine. She does better in groups, at least in small ones, than I do. She can and does converse more than me at munches, for example.

Why is it, then, that group sexual activity invigorates me? Elizabeth and I both enjoy it, but while she needs quiet time to recover (much like we both do after most social events), I’m soaring on an emotional high for days afterward and missing my tangle of bodies. It seems contrary to our way of being in other social situations.

What I realized recently, though, is that it’s not the interaction with others that tires me or wears at my introverted self. It’s the shallowness (said without judgment) of relating. Sitting around having polite conversation grates on me. More interesting, but still surface level, conversation is better, but I still need to recharge afterward if it’s in a group setting. But you give me a serious, in-depth, emotional, intimate conversation and I’m completely on my game. I get more and more energy from participating. If I can find a way to really relate to people then I become more of an extrovert. It’s not necessarily the number of people, or even the length of the interaction, that determines how I respond. It’s the intimacy level. The higher it goes the more I’m drawn in and fed by the experience.

So after group sex, particularly very open sex with lots of talking and questions, I am emotionally, spiritually and intellectually charged! The more I feel that I’ve let my authentic self interact with others’ authentic selves, the more I feel fed by the experience. I become an extrovert.