Day 5 of Kink: First Experiences

The questions for “30 Days of Kink” can be found here. Play along at home! We’d love to see your answers here or on your own blog.

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Gabe: There were a few early on that consisted of me really wanting to try something and my then partner doing it, but making it clear she didn’t enjoy it. The first full, reciprocated experience was with Elizabeth, the weekend I asked her to be my girlfriend. I punished her for wearing clothes, knowing she was too beautiful to be hiding herself from people like that. I bound her, beat her, made her cry and made her mine. I sent her out into the hallway of the hotel naked and cowering. I loved her. She loved me. It was the first time I’d been so deeply loved as a full person, sadistic fuck side and all. She had me then. And I had her.


Elizabeth: My first experiences were with a fuck buddy in my late 20’s. He tied me up, tickled and fucked me. It was a quite enjoyable set of sensations, and whetted my appetite for more. My first weekend with Gabe, though, took things to a whole other level. The range that we can engage each other on, from emotional to spiritual to physical, overwhelms me.

Wanton Wednesday: Potameides

For our first official Wanton Wednesday, we have the second half of our outdoor adventure… where I became more and more naked and finally, completely gave in to the overwhelming eroticism of leaves, pebbles, sand, water, blues, browns, greens and earthscent all around me.

Anybody that knows what the title means gets extra points! And be sure and catch the surprise treat at the end of the pictures!

 

Potameides

 
 

Wanton Wednesdays – see who else is playing…

Dryad

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Above us were deep sky blues and canopies of green. We found below our feet green grass, and soft sand, and marbled clay. The air held bright yellow warmth that made us wet all over, and cool breezes inviting our skin to be bare. It was a glorious place to pursue a long-time fantasy of mine: making images of me outside, naked, taking in the sights and smells and feel of the earth through every pore.

This post holds a video introduction to our adventure (above) and part one of the pictures (below), when the trees watched as my pink dress first made its way off of me. More to come later this week!

Dryad

This is what date night is like around here

Take two hippies, who happen to be exhibitionists, and make their date consist of buying a new camera and some body paints, and this is what happens!


A Painted Lady

Speaking of being hippies, Eliz and I are headed off to Bonnaroo this week! If you see us, say hi! We love making new friends.

Grab Bag of Porn

The last couple of months there have been some things stirring. We’ve got some ideas for upcoming porn… some solo stuff and group stuff, all video-based. Very exciting!

We really look forward to sharing that here. But until then, here’s a few pictures we want to show off. Having so many friends active on Fetlife can be distracting when it comes to posting one-offs, or small sets of pictures. Here’s a collection of some of our very favorites over the last few months.

Daddying

It’s taken me a couple of months to write this. Talking about age play and how it works for me makes me feel quite vulnerable, and knowing it’s a kink that bothers some folks makes it even more difficult at times. Luckily Elizabeth had another moment of brilliance and wrote some amazing things that helped shake the words loose for me. If you’ve not yet read Elizabeth on Age Play then please go do so. No really, I’ll wait.

Got that done? Well, here’s what she helped me to figure out about what it means to be a daddy and to be her Daddy.


While not our primary dynamic, being Elizabeth’s Daddy and her being my babygirl are important parts of our relationship. Explaining those roles, though, and how they fit into the rest of our relationship feels very elusive. It’s just… who we are. And who we are together.

Identifying the energies that we’ve come to know as her two little personalities came early in our relationship, and we’ve spent the last 2+ years naming them (Grace and Lucy), fleshing them out and getting to know them. I’ve learned how to be Daddy to each of them, how to spot them, what they need and want from me, and what I need and want from them. It’s been intense and beautiful and amazing. Despite her having multiple littles, I’m the same Daddy to them both. Obviously we interact in different ways, but the energy comes from the same place in me, whichever I’m tending to.

So why age play? The simple answer is that it turns me on. Being her Daddy makes me hard. That’s the biggest drive behind it. There’s an area of my and of her sexuality that is best reached through embodying these parts of ourselves with each other. Age play was a fetish of mine before I ever got the chance to act on it, though. Before it became this deep part of my relationship with my partner it was an unfulfilled fetish. I devoured Daddy/Girl erotica and I fantasized about roleplaying the scenarios. I understand that for many people age play isn’t necessarily sexual, but that’s not how it works for me. Even cuddling one of my little girls and watching a silly movie turns me on. Why? Who knows. It makes about as much sense as finding stockings with seams to be hot, only it’s stronger because it’s the intimate interaction of people.

So what does it mean to be Daddy? As uncomfortable as it may be to say so, I learned how to be Daddy to a large degree from my own father. To be Daddy is to be gentle and loving, offering guidance but only being stern when it’s needed. Daddy is playful and loves cuddling, and is protective of the fragile parts of his girls while letting them experience bumps and bruises when they can handle it. All of this is then filtered through my life with Elizabeth and my sexuality and it’s become this integral part of my sexuality.

Being Daddy to these two delightful girls isn’t something I undertook to re-write earlier experiences in a therapeutic way, but I’ve also seen ways that it’s helped me. I have a strong caretaker streak, and learning how to take care of Lucy and Grace as their Daddy has helped me learn how to do that in a healthy way. I’ve been able to strengthen boundaries and learn when it’s good for me to take care of someone and when I have to say no. I have a long history of unhealthy caregiving, and so this is a special gift that I wasn’t expecting when I first asked her what being a little girl felt like.

And I’ve seen my Daddy persona become more integrated with the rest of me. At times it becomes hard to define, because Daddy is Gabe, at least in relation to Elizabeth. That doesn’t mean that she’s constantly in little space, or that I treat her like a child, but I’m more aware of my affection toward her, and my protective streak. We could be doing something simple around the house, and I’ll tell her to stop if she’s about to do something that will hurt her. She may not be embodying Lucy or Grace at that moment, but Elizabeth is just as much my babygirl, and I will protect her.

Beyond our relationship I’ve begun to identify to some degree as a daddy-type dom. Daddy, as a name and a title, is part of my identity that is, at least right now, linked to my relationship with Elizabeth. The name and title “Daddy” doesn’t get used with anyone else but Elizabeth, but I can see similar tendencies in the way I top someone, or even in how I interact with someone with little girl energy. I’ve even had a play partner refer to me as “Daddy Gabe,” and that made sense to me, and was quite hot. Being a daddy-type is more of a descriptor of how I interact with some people. I’ve been wondering about why I gravitate to that word to describe myself and my style. Obviously it’s a very subjective word. In his Toybag Guide to Ageplay, Lee Harrington discusses universal, cultural and personal archetypes, and I think the differences in being Elizabeth’s Daddy and being a daddy type have some relation to those varying types of archetypes. With Elizabeth I fall somewhere between the personal and cultural, whereas with what I’m describing with a lower-case “d” daddy is somewhere between the universal and cultural. Sort of. As I said, pinning all of this down is rather elusive.

So then what do I mean when I say “daddy-type dom”? I can’t point to specific things I do or expect that make an interaction fall into that category, as it’s more about the way I feel toward the person. It’s a mix of tenderness, adoration, protectiveness, playfulness, control and certainly a few other things I’m not thinking of at the moment. It’s neither tied to nor divorced from SM, though daddying tends to focus a somewhat more on somewhat more conventional pleasures. The D/S element is strong, as my daddy side does put effort into remaining in control. But that control is often more focused on guidance than on punishment, and on the little one following willingly more than on her being pushed too hard. Even the SM elements that have been incorporated have been focused on nurturing, guidance or sheer hedonism more than punishment.

Guiding is a good word for the D/S element of ageplay for me. It requires meeting the person with whom I’m interacting where they are, without expectations of how their own energy will manifest or take them. It is accepting that energy and directing it in ways that best serve us both. Where and how I direct changes depending on who I’m playing with (or which alter ego I’m playing with), the moods we’re both in and any goals we may have. Elizabeth recently described that kind of guidance as “a love that doesn’t fully shield from bumps and bruises, but very specifically works at a person’s growing edges, the edges of our ability and draws us out further and helps us grow.” And I think that nails it.

An important element in accessing my daddy side is my trust in the other person’s maturity and ability to care for themselves. Being a daddy in an age play context is far removed from being a parent. I don’t want someone completely dependent on me. I don’t want someone who can’t take care of themselves. The littles that play best with this daddy are the ones who are, when they want or need to be, self-sufficient. If someone can balance their childlike delight or teenage awkwardness with their ability to be a grownup when they have to, then we are more likely to find common ground on which we can come together. If I can have that trust they they can and do care for themselves, then I feel more free to care for them myself.

With only two years of daddying behind me, I have a lot more to learn about what that means and how to do best function in that role. How will it change and expand over time or with different people? How integrated is the sweet, gentle daddy with the sadistic fuck who loves his little girls’ tears? There’s a lot to learn, and I look forward to it all. I love this part of my relationship with Elizabeth and this part of myself. And I’m so thankful to her for helping me grow and develop this way and to get to know this new part of me.

Two Marks

One is almost a cross shape. A short, narrow purple bruise haphazardly meeting a long, bright red splotch, at the angle where the side of my neck bends down toward my left collarbone. With some blissful fogginess, I remember when his mouth met me there. I remember feeling a soft sensuousness, and that tingly pull sucking the blood out of my veins and into my skin. Since I don’t actually feel much discomfort there now it’s pure luck that I looked in the mirror at the right time and was reminded to conceal it before work. It does indeed poke out from under my shirt collar.

Then there’s the other mark. You might not notice it, if you don’t know my neck well… if you don’t know that my skin isn’t normally a slightly redder shade there, or that it isn’t usually swollen there. You might not notice that the redness resembles a line of teeth. THAT one, I vividly feel with every slight shift or ripple of the muscles between my right ear and shoulder. I clearly remember that bite, feeling those teeth sink in, scraping across sinews and hard muscle. That will be a reminder all day (and tomorrow too) of sitting astride him, of feeling the fire between my legs reach up to my neck, his mouth, and beyond.

Gabe’s Birthday Weekend – Part One

You know a weekend was good when you want to write about it, but it’s Wednesday afternoon before you even try, and the next Monday before you finish the first part. Hell, even with all the Twitterers who were there, next to nothing got tweeted!

Halloween, in addition to being the most awesome holiday evar, is my birthday and for the first time I had a big celebration of me with my friends and chosen family. Much planning went into this event, and it paid off. Many thanks to my dearest Elizabeth for working so hard to put the shindig together. She sent out the invitation emails, coordinated all the special needs, planned how to share space at our house with all of those people, and a dozen other things I won’t list. And I did end up surrounded by awesome people and bathed in affection. There were many hugs, kisses and cuddles, as well as staying up talking until 4am. I don’t remember the last time I had an actual birthday party, so it was really special to have this and to feel so very cared for.

As the first night of the two-night party was the first big gathering of friends we’ve hosted at our home, it was also the first time we’ve invited people to participate in kink and sex in space we provided. While it didn’t devolve into an orgy (believe it or not, that was a good thing) I know I certainly had a good time!

In preparation for Friday’s party I made four ice dildos. Over the course of the week I got to watch Elizabeth go from very hesitant to very intrigued so it was quite a treat to use one on her last Friday night with friends holding her hand and cheering her on. She took more than I expected, but the way she warmed up to the idea (pun intended) over the course of the week should have told me she was going farther than her initial hesitance indicated. You can see the pictures here. I’d love to get the video up as well, but there are many different faces and voice on it, so getting all those permissions may prove difficult. I hope for your sake we can do that, because she’s really quite adorable getting fucked by a big ice cock.

But what of the other three dildos? Well, turns out I had three more volunteers! The first was a dear friend who said that her participation was a birthday gift to me. She was actually the first person down on the blanket to try. It was my first time using ice in such a way, and she was an amazing test subject. While I don’t think she’ll be returning for another go anytime soon I do think we had a good time of it. The second participant was a surprise to me, someone I don’t know well, but who apparently likes ice quite a bit. The third in the lineup was Elizabeth, about whom I’ve already written, and being able to work up to her and get a feel for the toys was a delight for me. And the fourth dildo went to a friend with whom we’ve been having some amazing escapades. I think of all the people who tried my homemade toys she liked them the best. At least it seemed that way when she clamped down on it so hard it shot right out of her. There wasn’t all that much ice left by the time we were done! I had a fantastic time. Not only did I get to play with some people that are quite important to me, but I also got to engage in casual play with someone I didn’t really know well, and that was a first for me! So Friday was a big night.

Next time – Saturday in New Orleans!

Great Sex

This might not be the most coherent post. Gabe and I just had some amazing sex. I want to be sure and tell you about it, though, because we overcame what could have been a couple obstacles to have it.

The first obstacle was a vague sort of blurginess. We’ve both had a beyond-the-pale, utterly exhausting couple of weeks. We’ve been drained. Often we’ve been ill with various problems. Though we’re recovering, I still didn’t know if I’d work right, or be able to stay positive and focused on us. Do you ever get nervous about being intimate after having been sick? I do.

The other, bigger obstacle was that Gabe had a mild migraine-type headache earlier today. His medicine had helped eliminate the pain after a while… but the medicine is also a vasoconstrictor, which reduces blood flow in the body. It makes it difficult-to-impossible to achieve an erection, and the sensations are different and sometimes far less pleasurable (or even painful).

Gabe still initiated some sexing time. He figured he could at least enjoy my body. I’m thankful for that determination on his part. If it’s only my head that’s in my way, I can hear him ask if I want to have sex, and the answer is immediately “YES!”. He got creative, and put on my harness and picked a strap-on dildo! It turns out it was comfortable for him, and it was certainly exciting, different and pleasurable for me. I had one orgasm with him on top, and one with him penetrating my pussy from behind me (a rather rare position for me to come in, actually). Somewhere in there I also climbed on top of him and rode the dildo.

Then, we explored what I could do with my mouth on his cock that would be pleasurable for him in his state. Sucking worked just fine, and I enjoyed doing that until he asked me to climb on board. With me on top of him and his cock inside me, he went somewhere blissful, and came hard.

The touching and kissing that we engaged in throughout the whole thing was relaxing, stress-relieving, centering, delightful, and deeply connective. We were lucky and found a way for both of us to come, but the whole thing – all of it – was a profoundly nurturing and healing experience. Don’t ever forget if your plans have been changed, and you think you can’t do one particular sex act, that moving forward with faith and delight can lead you lovely places.

Pray Without Ceasing

I am constantly amazed how many different ways something can feel prayerful, how many different ways sex can be a prayer.

Gabe and I had an experience Thursday night. As we began, I expected a quiet lovemaking session. Events slowly, organically turned. Energy shifted from caressing to pushing and pulling. Teeth and nails got involved and tears started, and I opened up and began to feel a special sacred space around me. I felt myself ripping open, being cleansed, being touched everywhere. I don’t know how he knew, but Gabe could tell where I was even when I couldn’t verbalize it, and he led me through multiple steps of an amazing, healing, creative journey. Through movement, and eye contact, and a few words, he told a whole story that rang through me like a bell. It was as though the whole thing was a guided meditation, building just what I needed inside me.

I felt something deep awaken. I felt strength – my unique strength – expanding within me. I felt my self expand and fill the space. I reclaimed my own fierceness. I remembered and reclaimed the fierceness in my spiritual role models – in Phedre, who fiercely submits. In Jesus, who fiercely submits.

In my pocket today, I have the prayer beads Gabe gave me years ago. The smooth blue beads lend a coolness to my hands as the heat continues to rise, in my heart and in my eyes. Days later, the effort lingers in my muscles. The push and pull is quieter, but still echoing. My voice was stretched sore from the touch of all that strength pouring through. For an instant, I had the name of God touch my flesh. It burns and enlivens.