Phone Sex?

Phone sex operator continues to be the MOST alluring job that I just can’t decide whether I’m suited for. I really like the idea of helping people get off, of making up stories, of roleplaying. On one hand, I tend to be challenged being verbal when I’m getting sexed up with Gabe… but on the other, I’ve really enjoyed writing and making up erotica in other contexts, when I’m not in that very personal, receptive zone. Maybe working with language will either distance my work from my own sex life, or increase my skills at integrating language into my more personal interactions. Even between us, we did get into some wonderful grooves over the phone when we were long distance. I really like the idea of reading cues from somebody else and looking for ways to build long-distance sex with them.

I considered it when I first came to town looking for a job, but it was too far outside my comfort zone at the time. Now I’m not so sure. I came across this site on an ad at FetLife — it looks like a rather appealing possibility, and it’s got me wondering again.

Anybody with phone sex experience – what questions should I be asking myself? What do you think are the most important qualifications for the job – both doing it well and taking care of yourself while you do it?

3 Responses to “Phone Sex?”

  1. Tonya Says:
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    First of all, a disclaimer: I co-own the website whose ad you saw on FetLife. I’ve been a phone sex operator for over 4.5 years, and I love it but it is definitely not for everybody. I’ll try to answer some of your questions as best I can…

    Important qualifications…

    A pleasant, natural-sounding voice. The guys who make the best clients (frequent, long calls) see right through a breathy, fake “porno” voice. Though most pso’s use models and aliases, guys often want to be able to connect to a real person. Phone sex straddles a fine line between fantasy, and reality tempered with willing suspension of disbelief. Too much of one or the other can actually ruin it for most callers.

    You must be verbal, outgoing, and a good conversationalist. A lot of longer calls involve non-sexual talk, but if you can’t say words like cock, cunt, and fuck out loud, there’s going to be a major problem.

    Open-mindedness, willingness to listen, and ability to step outside your personal judgments. Regardless of fetish, what 99% of phone sex callers really want boils down to a single human being needing love and acceptance from another. My partner and I believe the most successful pso’s actually care about their clients and enjoy their jobs. Hence the reason we chose FetLife, figuring we could draw from a pool of talent already pre-disposed to enjoying kink and being sexually accepting.

    Another thing you rightly mention is how to take care of yourself. Think of it in terms of bdsm. Conscientious players would not simply enter and exit a scene without defining boundaries and limits and determining needs like after care. Don’t work for a company that forces you to talk about anything you are uncomfortable with. How can a call where someone finds the topic distasteful be good for either the caller or the operator? Conversely, I also recommend against companies where you can’t talk about some subjects and have to speak in euphemisms. It sucks to constantly worry about censoring yourself while you’re hot and bothered and trying to go with the flow.

    Most veteran pso’s have been through the tunnel- you get so used to the money and the thrill of being wanted, that you fixate and stop having a life of your own outside work. You have to be self-aware enough stay current with your psychological state and take time for yourself when you need it.

    Ask yourself…

    Am I just doing this for the money, or does the idea of talking about sex a lot sound like FUN? Am I willing to treat something that heretofore was pure enjoyment with the discipline required of a REAL JOB? Can I honestly make myself log in the required hours and do the necessary work OFF the phone to get calls (if applicable) without minute-to-minute supervision?

    Do I have adequate privacy? Callers don’t want to hear your boyfriend or your dog or your kids. (Well, most of them anyway. Haha.) And your mate probably doesn’t want to hear YOU getting off on the phone with someone else. Also, if your significant other is unsupportive of your phone sex job or the extremely jealous type, it will make your life very difficult and this job nearly impossible.

    Do I have reasonable expectations? Phone sex can be very enjoyable, but it is also a lot of work. Forty-hour availability and average talent will earn you somewhere between $100-$300 a week in most cases. Really great operators can make over a $1,000 a week, but that is not the norm.

    Can I handle extreme fantasies? I know I said don’t work for a company that won’t let you set your own limits, but the truth is this is a business. MOST calls involve things these guys cannot say to anyone else, either for legal or religious or myriad other reasons. If you can’t handle underage, incest, bestiality, or rape fantasies, you’re severely winnowing down your pool of prospective clients. These are common fantasies (and easily rationalized by most Psych 101 courses) and often requested. At the very least, can you accept that while you might find the fantasy abhorrent, while your caller is on the phone with you, he’s not out doing it in the world?
    Phone sex is a form of social service in my opinion, and those who approach it as such are much more equipped to deal with the pro’s and con’s.

    In the end, the most important thing is to EDUCATE YOURSELF. There are a lot of sleazy people out there- do not let yourself be exploited by them. If it feels wrong, trust your instinct. Search “phone sex” on different search engines and click around the different sites to get a feel for them and the business.

    Best of luck to you!

  2. Ellie Says:
    August 27th, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Hey sweetie, I’ve worked for a variety of different companies and can give you some tips and resources for talking to other ops. Email me and we’ll talk 😉

  3. Tonya Jone Miller: actress - foodie - aural courtesan Says:
    September 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    […] few days ago, I wrote this whole long response to a post on Pornocracy and figured I would share it here too, since I get asked these questions a […]

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