On Being a Relationship Geek

I’m involved in a conversation thread elsewhere where several individuals are exploring issues of specific sexual activities and levels of intimacy felt or expected in each activity — what it means to each of us to penetrate someone or be penetrated, to be touched various places, or to help someone to orgasm. I LOVE this exploration. Seriously, it is my life blood. I love the fact that I’m now in a relationship where it’s expected and encouraged and understood to be part of the maintenance and working knowledge of our relationship.

Those assumptions are there in communities around us because we are a poly shape, but it is not just a function of polyamory that this good and true thing of relationship/intimacy/bonding analysis runs deep. It’s assumed within our relationship because we are relationship geeks. We thrive on this shit.

I’ve always been a relationship geek. I’ve annoyed other partners who couldn’t figure out why on earth I would spend this much time analyzing sex, and I’ve found other kindred spirits that totally get that deconstructing and reconstructing the concept of intimacy is a great idea for a fun friday night. I’m willing to admit that I’m driven to do more than the minimum amount of this work. I’m willing to admit that it’s a full-fledged hobby, more ingrained than exercise or calorie-counting. I’m willing to state that it makes me a prime candidate for a successful poly relationship, even being mono. I’ve also seen many a monogamous relationships crippled and broken – whether they actually broke up or not – from a lack of this exploration. I’m not willing to make it only the purvue of poly pods. I may push it like a drug primarily because I enjoy doing it immensely, but I also demand it of myself and expect it of others because I know the sacredness of the knolwedge it brings. We all deserve to know that much about ourselves and our loved ones. We all deserve to know our needs so they can be met. We all deserve to be deeply known and seen and loved for who we truly are.

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