Uses of Pain

Posted by blessed_harlot | Filed under Kink

I’m not a pain slut, nor an anguissette*. I’ve heard folks talk about enjoying adrenaline rushes from the pain, or about it sending them directly into a special headspace, but I don’t have those gifts. That’s not how I plug into it.

I’m aware of two ways I use my reception of pain.

The first is relational; it’s about receiving something from Gabe that’s visceral and holy. It’s about being ripped apart either to be consumed and transformed by something sacred, or to feel it (and him) deeply inside me. I’m reminded of references to the mere image or sound of God as something too powerful to be contained in the human body (remember the end of Dogma?). In these cases, I take in pain because it reminds me that taking in the full expression of who we are includes both pleasure and pain, that the divine encompasses all that and more. I take in pain, as well as pleasure, because making room for it all makes me larger. This is very much connected to the context of my relationship with Gabe, which has always included an element of spiritual companionship.

The second way I receive pain is as a tool to reach an altered state of consciousness. If I am properly centered and open to the experience, pain is one of several experiences that can take me into a meditative headspace. It’s important to me, though, that I embrace the pain and don’t use it to detach from my body; this might distinguish my use of it from some others’ meditative use of pain. I also need a larger framework, as the pain alone doesn’t help me get there (this might distinguish me from yet others’ ways of working with it). This is something that has taken some practice on my part, but is quite powerful for me. All public play that I’ve done with pain has been of this kind, likely because it is the more plannable of the two.

*For the record, I’m much more of an Imriel than a Phedre, but that’s a whole other post.

Permalink | December 22nd, 2009

3 Responses to “Uses of Pain”

  1. stoat Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Burning question: Can you process emotional pain this way too?

  2. blessed_harlot Says:
    December 24th, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Whoa. That’s a question! I had to think about it a while.

    While I’m certain I’ve heard of folks mixing meditation and emotional pain, it’s just not something that works well for me. I’m a “feel the feelings and analyze them” kind of girl, and I don’t have the discipline to try to reach an altered state during upsetting times.

    I most definitely have found something sacred in a lot of emotional pain, though. As one example, I spent a lot of time in my previous career focusing on grief, and there’s something about the pain of change – whether it be from growth and aging and other life changes, or pain caused by losing a loved one – that’s very holy. I get a lot of comfort from the fact that such pain is a part of a larger, all-encompassing story, and comes from a place of deep love.

    What about you?

  3. stoat Says:
    December 29th, 2009 at 1:49 am

    i have a little book where i write down insights for dealing spiritually with emotional pain, and some of it has proven helpful “in the moment,” but overall, like you, i find it easier to access the spiritual quality in some types of pain than others. recently, having moved to a new city and a new job, i am focusing on my own loneliness…examining it, processing it, and experimenting with it. i can’t say i would use the word “pleasure” for what i do with it, but i do sometimes find ways to channel that energy into physical sensations…especially in sexual situations, when i can choose the time and place and manner of it all, and just release completely. but i guess that’s the same as what we all do when we channel emotional energy into sexual expression.

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